


The Straight Adventures of Voltron the Straight Defender

by Awadeuwu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Out of Character, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 07:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15702276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awadeuwu/pseuds/Awadeuwu
Summary: Read a magic tale of friendship, straightness and no sin, featuring the good children of Voltron. /CrackFic





	The Straight Adventures of Voltron the Straight Defender

**Author's Note:**

> cant believe im writing this kind of thing for this fandom, but s7 forced me too

It was a beautiful day on earth,,, 

Our favorite power rangers were still in recovery, because as we know, in their last battle they found themselves on the verge of death, for the 8384838e8e8 time. How is it that these kids endure so much, man? It must be because they drink their milk every day.

Now we find ourselves in a room decorated white and black, yes, like the heterosexual flag. This, of course, was Keith's room, who was looking at his black-and-white Lion by the window ... That's right; like the heterosexual flag. "There is no macho straighter than me!" Keith thought. And he took his penis out the window, as a symbol of his masculinity.

Then, a WOMAN opened the door to Keef's room!

"WELCOME, FEMALE." Greeted Keef, because Keef respects women and greets them upon entering.

–I am your mother, damn it.–Said his purple mother. But she was not alone! She came in ... With another male to the room!

Keith T posed in the hospital bed to mark territory, of course.

-Greetings to you too, Keef. - said Kolivan, because this was the other male present in the rotom –I just want to let you know I'm fucking your mom.–

Keith barked at the news. 

-This ... Keef, We were coming to tell you, because uhhh you need a new father figure, for, like, your growth– Added Keith's okazamn

And before Keef could GASP in response, appeared ... Acxa!

-Oh, isn't it my dear source of heterosexuality!– Keith greeted her cordially.

-um what the quiznackiting fuck...Im gay an- DON'T YOU DARE LOVE- Brocolia was trying to escape through the window! What will be the cause of this?! 

But we'll cut this part of the fic here, since Voltron always ends up in awful cliffhangers, and I want to do it too.

SO,,,,

IN THE MEANTIME,

The other four power rangers were gathered, even as fucked as they all were, in a strange room, for they had been summoned there. But the host of that meeting had not yet shown up.

There was silence.

-h, – Said Lance, to break said silence, but everyone made him shut up because HE IS SO STUPID AM I RITE XD  
Except for... His couple mate, lover, female!!!!!! Allura!!!!!!  
–wow lotor...I mean Lance...that h.... was so eloquent–Said Allura, while totally not suspiciously crying. 

–ugh fugcking white cishet people,,,, am I right twunk??? –said Pidgx, disgusted. 

-food XD–replied Hunk. 

Then, the host appeared! And it was ... The HOMOSEXUAL!

Shiro, the HOMOSEXUAL, was dressed in a rainbow leotard and drag makeup, for this was his earthly attire since he had started dating his beloved Adam Sandler.

"Ay!!! Puta hijo de , Shiro, why do tú always ruin our heterosexual energy this way? ÑÑ. " Lance exclaimed, annoyed. 

-Nani the fuck Rance. Anyway, cuties, I've brought you here for something very important ... I see that Keef is not here, damn it, I wanted to practice non-homo incest with him rater. The thing is that I need yall for a very important mission, sweeties ... To be able to be with Adam, because he died, XD I need you to ... Fulfill my dream and kill me! - Everyone sighed. Fugcking gays always wanting to die. 

-but uhhh ... Why don't we make up some random magical stuff at the last momment like always and magically revive Adam or something? - Pidgx asked.

–Darn it! –Shiro replied. 

And they were going to do that and get technology out of their ass, but it was indeed going to work, so... They were interrupted!

-NO GAYS ALIVE!!! .- Said a new galran voice in the distance ... ZREAMZWORKS! 

Now we go back to Keith, his source of heterosexuality, and his mom, uwu.

-female mother, Why is it that whenever Axxa shows up, you do not speak to her or leave? - Keef asked, quite confused.

And Brocolia was going to answer that she had left the stew in the oven, but then Oxxa spoke ...

–TEXAS AND BROCOLIA ARE MY PARENTS TOO, AND WE ARE BOTH GAY AS FUCK, KEEF. - DUN DUN DUN.– That's why no hat, no party, friends.

-N ... No! MY HETEROSEXUALITY! –A glow began to be emitted from the power ranger.– KYAAAAA~~~~ ...!–Screamed Keith, because he was asian. He knew what was about to happen now; Mini propellers came out of his ass and flew to the room where the other paladins were, which was curiously a few meters away.

The other four members of Furrybot watched in horror as Zreamzworks hit Shiro with its Queerbaitzer Laser, but they could not do anything because he was a damned SINNER and he had to die.

But then...

–KYAAAAAAAA~~~~~~!! -Keef came in, dressed exactly like Xiro, at full speed! (Everyone looked at him disgusted)

-Do you think you can stop us, fucking homosexual? YOU CANT DO IT ALONE, MUAJAJAJAJAJAJAJ! 1-Exclaimed ZreamZworks

\- AND I WILL NOT DO IT ALONE ...! Unfortunately, because I do not like teamwork, no offense sweatties,,,, , but hey, that's what I have to do- He explained to then throw a purple inflatable doll with white hair to Allura, who embraced him instantly and rolled out of scene.

-AYYYYYY DE MI! YOU MONSTER ÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑÑ! - Lance yelled, also beginning to feel the change in his body.

-FORM HOMOBOT!– Shiro shouted from the floor then.

\- Is there a Homosexual robot that we do not know?–Twunk asked, surprised.

transformation music of Voltron dot em pee three (?  
Then, lance's phallic organ was introduced into Keef's anal cavity, which caused Lance to get rainbow propellers in his ass, and Keef to have laser nipples. 

-Nooo! NOOOO! -Exclaimed ZreamZworks, cause just by watching that, it exploded into a thousand pieces, caught fire and turned into poo, bringing peace to everyone again.

In the end, Shiro revived Adam, but it did not work so in the end he stayed with his true love: Slav. Adam still lived a beautiful gay life too. 

Allura married Lotor's inflatable doll. She got a magical christmas wish and now its better than the actual Lotor. 

Krolia still does not pay Acxa's alimony.

Lance and Keith got married and adopted 92929292 kids because Lance is latino and they were all called Akira and Leandro

Pidge murdered Shay because I do not like her, and had a platonic marriage with Hunk.

Koránn did not appear in this fic because he's too fabulous for that

End

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that voltron legendary queerbaiters does not force me to fix the s8 also when it comes out


End file.
